how can u be prego again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
