Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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