Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
