The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
