Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
