So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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