who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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