the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
