I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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