If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
