...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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