I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
