I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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