I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
