i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
