But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
