Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
