She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
