Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
