that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
