this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
