weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
