I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
