The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
