She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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