She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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