I am spending my child support on dildos
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
