that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We had to coat check the pizza.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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