we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
