just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
