I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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