we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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