His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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