I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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