where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
