dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
