Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
