yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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