I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
