im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
