i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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