I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
