So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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