I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
