when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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