I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
