Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
