physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
