I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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