well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
