She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
