i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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